FOR H

Liahm Blank / POETRY

TW: Mentions of Sexual Assault

there is a grief which cannot be spoken

a heaviness that lingers between the lockers

hides in the bathroom during class

it is the grief she shares with a glance

is the grief that seems to make a girl smaller

and smaller

and smaller

shrunken down into an airless classroom

shrunken down until a memory can fit into real life

her grief is the alice in wonderland ‘drink me’ potion labeled ‘trauma’ her grief is the biting cold

and her grief is a silent killer

words are too sad

and too heavy

to drag themselves up from the throat

she will not say exactly what happened

she does not know exactly what happened

memory is unwanted lips

memory is nothing but fog

she cannot speak but for body language

her grief is the way she holds herself as a deflated balloon the way she lets her arms wrap around her

as if she is trying to take up as little space as possible her grief is the way she hides behind her friends

shaking hands

the downcast eyes avoiding

always avoiding

her grief is not spoken

but her resilience is a shallower silence

it is the way she lets herself fall asleep

though she does not know what memory will bring

her resilience is getting out of bed in the morning

it is going to school with a smile

her resilience is a smile

when cheekbones feel heavy

and her body does not feel like hers

resilience is finding a voice

carefully

slowly

quietly

and we will wait patiently for her to speak again